PDA

View Full Version : Don't Fart in Bed



fball_gal310
11-16-2004, 10:52 PM
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him! to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, "Honey, you were right." "All these years you have
warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."

SwtwtrMstngs04
11-16-2004, 10:54 PM
Thats just wrong on so many levels. funny but wrong.

JasperDog94
11-16-2004, 10:55 PM
I've heard that one before...I think in the 3rd grade.:p :p

Bulldog_12
11-16-2004, 10:55 PM
Thats great, I was cracking up.

Flourhead
11-16-2004, 10:55 PM
its actually a true story

PPHSfan
11-16-2004, 11:02 PM
It's actually an OLD story.

NSUTrumpet08
11-16-2004, 11:04 PM
I agree...it's funny but kinda wrong...but really funny...haha...good one...

Bullaholic
11-16-2004, 11:32 PM
O.K....here's a clean joke for you....(not that I don't tell and appreciate the other kind)---this is just one of the few I can post.

It seems that a blind man and his seeing-eye dog paid a visit to the local hardware store. The blind man and dog went in and proceeded to find a large open area between two of the displays. The dog patiently sat as the blind man felt his way along the dog until he found his tail. The blind man gripped the dog's tail tightly and picked him up swinging him in a wide circle above his head with his front paws extended and eyes bugging out. A young clerk saw this, and ran near them shouting---"Sir, sir, I am so sorry I did not see you and your dog come into the store. I hope I did not upset you greatly enough for you to behave in this manner. May I help you?" The blind man continued to swing the dog in a great circle above his head as he blurted out---"Naw, man, that's o.k.--we're just looking around."

Don't know why, but this joke just kills me every time I hear it. Just "stupid" enough to be funny, I guess. Hope you enjoy it also.

kaorder1999
11-17-2004, 09:46 AM
oh...thats bad...i think i might go throw up now

honeymd
11-17-2004, 10:03 AM
LOL! It cracked me up Bullaholic.

gobbler grad
11-17-2004, 10:34 AM
those are too funny!:p :clap:

onfirebball05mustang
11-17-2004, 01:26 PM
the first one was funny...and yet sooo wrong:p

not too sure bout the second one...funny and yet..awww poor dog!:eek:

scrub c
11-17-2004, 02:04 PM
ROTFLMFAO