What would we do without Wal-Mart

[Ranger Mom]

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the! computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

"1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart"

[Bandera YaYa]

OMG!! :eek: :eek: :D

[fball_gal310]

CUTE...I'll have to remember that one!

[HornetMom]

Thanks RM. With the day I am having, I needed that is the worse way.

:D :clap:

[44INAROW]

Walmart, your one stop shopping place :cool:

[jason]

i hate wal mart, ill go in there for qtips and leave with $50 worth of groceries....:foul: :foul: :foul:

[Gobbla2001]

Originally posted by jason
i hate wal mart, ill go in there for qtips and leave with $50 worth of groceries....:foul: :foul: :foul:

Good place to whip yur kids is wal-mart...

*DING*

WHIP YOUR KIDS!

[jason]

hehe.....

that greeter feller:
you want me to whoop em? ill whoop the sh*t out of em...

[lepfan]

I have gone through Wal-Mart withdrawals...closest one is a 50 mile hike.

[Gobbla2001]

Originally posted by jason
hehe.....

that greeter feller:
you want me to whoop em? ill whoop the sh*t out of em...

ha...

A woman in a wheel-chair asked me the other day: "You need a buggy?"

"Sure, hop on up and get me one....... better yet, I push you 'round 'n you hold tha sh**!"

[Keith7]

I used to work at walmart :eek: and hate going there now.. i've been scarred for life because of my experience there...

i'm just glad there are no super walmarts here

[Ranger Mom]

We are supposed to be opening a new one next year... the one we have right now is on the opposite of Midland and we are about 9 miles from Midland. This one will be on my side of town.

I haven't found a good time to go - during the day you fight the crowd and during the night you have to dodge the stockers throwing noodles!

[Gobbla2001]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
We are supposed to be opening a new one next year... the one we have right now is on the opposite of Midland and we are about 9 miles from Midland. This one will be on my side of town.

I haven't found a good time to go - during the day you fight the crowd and during the night you have to dodge the stockers throwing noodles!

Do they throw other things besides noodles?

Just wondering, I had to dodge frozen pizzas one night...

[TheDOCTORdre]

There building a Wal -Mart in Sweetwater as I type, can someone from Sweetwater tell me the progress they're making?

[mustang04]

Originally posted by TheDOCTORdre
There building a Wal -Mart in Sweetwater as I type, can someone from Sweetwater tell me the progress they're making?

yeah...they are doing good...they had to stop cuz they were illegally working ur family andres..if ya get me haha...but its a super walmart

[gobbler grad]

you can't ever get out of there without spending about $50.00. you go for one little thing and come home with a car full.

love my wal-mart:) :) :)

[creditcard]

suicide

[SintonFan]

Originally posted by Ranger Mom
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a lot cheaper than a doctor."

So Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the! computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

"1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart"
.
ROFLMAO!:clap: :clap: :clap:

[lepfan]

Originally posted by Gobbla2001
ha...

A woman in a wheel-chair asked me the other day: "You need a buggy?"

"Sure, hop on up and get me one....... better yet, I push you 'round 'n you hold tha sh**!"

We have a door greeter up here...he kicks you the buggy...'cause he has no arms:eek: