Joke Of The Day!

[TARPON DAD]

A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse and decide to play a round of golf. The man has a little dog with him, and on the first green, when he sinks a 20-foot putt, the little dog starts to yip, stands up on its hind legs and walks around in circles.
Amazed, the friend says, “Wow, that dog is really talented! What does he do if you miss a putt?”
“Somersaults,” the man says.
“Somersaults!” the friend exclaims. “That’s incredible. How many does he do?”
“It all depends on how hard I kick him.”

FUNNY YES NO WHAT DO YOU THINK!
:clap:

[TARPON DAD]

GIVE ME YOUR BEST JOKE?
BUT TOP THE LAST ONE .
THANXS:doh:

[TARPON DAD]

As the end of the year rolls around, a kindergarten teacher starts getting presents from the children in her class. First, a little girl whose father owns the meat shop in town hands her a box.
The teacher shakes it and says, “I bet it’s some beef jerky.”
“It is!” the girl cries.
Then a little boy whose father owns a local candy store hands her a box. The teacher shakes it and says, “I bet this is some candy.”
“Yes, it is!” the boy squeals.
Finally, a boy whose dad owns a liquor store comes forward. As the teacher takes the present, she notices it’s leaking. After tasting a drop from the box, she says, “I bet it’s white wine.”
“No,” the little boy says.
So the teacher puts a few more drops into her mouth. “It’s champagne, right?” she says.
“Nope!” the little boy cries, happy that he has fooled his teacher.
“I give up,” she says. “What is it?”
The little boy shouts, “It’s a puppy!”
LOR=blue]BLUE[/COLOR] :devil:

[Old No. 7]

LOL :D

[TARPON DAD]

In a tiny shack in Louisiana, Mary-Jo has gone into labor and the baby is coming fast. Her husband, Billy Bob, dials 911 to ask for help.
“We’ll send the paramedics straight out to you,” the operator says. “Just tell me where you live.”
Billy Bob thinks for a second. “On Eucalyptus Drive,” he drawls.
“Can you spell that for me?” the operator asks.
There’s a long pause. “Look,” Billy Bob finally says. “I’ll drag her over to Oak Street. Pick her up from there.”
:D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap: :D

[BullFrog Dad]

Jim and Ted are at a bar looking at the plans for Ted's house he's having built. Jim, who is an engineer, bets Ted a beer that he can calculate the exact amount of bricks it will take to build the house. He comes up with a number and they meet at the building site six weeks later as the masonary work is being finished. When done there is one brick left over. Ted jumps up and down shouting "Jim make it a cold one!". Jim is hardly able to control his anger. He bends over, grabs the lone brick and throws it straight up into the air!!!

[TARPON DAD]

FUNNY STUFF !
THANKS GUYS!!!:clap:

[jason]

Tyrone asked his work buddy, Robert, one morning,
"Man, why you always so darn happy when you come to work every day?"
Robert replied, "That's because I make love to my wife every morning
before work." Amazed, Tyrone asked him how he gets his wife to make love to him every morning.
"That's easy," Robert said. "I just tell her this little poem that I
made up.
She loves it!" "It goes like this:

Blond hair, blond hair, eyes so blue.
I love waking up and making love to you!"

Tyrone said, "Man, you white guys are so damn sentimental."
But he decided it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. So he spent the rest of the day thinking of a poem for his wife. The next day Tyrone showed up to work just beat to hell; bruised eyes, broken nose, fat lip, the works!!! Robert asked, "Man, what happened to you?!"
Tyrone said, "I don't know, man. I went home and tried your advice.
I just told her a poem." Well, what poem did you tell her?
Tyrone said:

"Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog.
If I could roll you over, I'd hump you like a dog!"

:D :D :D

[BullFrog Dad]

Here's another: A man takes a small charter jet to Puerto Rico. He takes three items with him. A bottle of whiskey, a box of cigars, and his pet monkey. During the flight the monkey gets restless so the man decides to let him out of his cage. The flight attendant comes and grabs the monkey. She opens a window and tosses him out. She turns to the man and says "Pets must stay in their cage." The man is upset about losing his pet so he starts drinking the whiskey. The FA grabs the whiskey and tosses it out the window. "No drinking on the plane" she says. Now the man is pretty mad so he fires up a cigar. The FA grabs the cigar and out the window it goes. "No smoking allowed" she screams. The man stands up and looks out the window and is shocked at what he sees. Guess what he saw sitting on the wing.

[Ranger Mom]

The brick????

[vfunk]

whats the opposite of Christopher Reeve??































Christoper Walken.



bad taste i know...but still funny.

[Old Green]

A man owned a small farm in West Texas.
The Wage and Hour Department of Texas claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him.

" I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

"Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $600 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus room and board. Then there's the Half-wit that works about 18 hours a day. He makes $10 a week and I buy him chewing tobacco," replied the Farmer.

"That's the Guy I want to talk to; the Half-wit," says the agent.

The Farmer says, "OK. That would be me".

[crzyjournalist03]

Did you hear about the native american who drank 100 gallons of tea one night???


He drowned in his tea-pee.

[Old Tiger]

lmao funny

[slpybear the bullfan]

Two well-to-do construction equipment salesmen are making a call on a red neck Dozer operator, trying to make a sale in a small town in Texas. They wind up out on the golf course after lunch.

The two salesmen are trying to keep from snickering about their redneck customer's lifestyle and desperately wanted to present their status without jeopardizing their sale.

Finally, one of them says, "Well, did I ever tell you about my son, Robert? He graduated from Harvard last year and is working for EDS. He is knocking down six figures, owns his condo, and vacations in Maui. As a matter of fact, he is doing so well he just bought his fiancee a brand new BMW."

His companion said, "Hmmm... that's nice. My oldest son Phillip just graduated from Stanford with his MBA. He daytrades for himself and is well on his way to retirement. He is knocking down seven figures, owns houses in both California and Texas, and vacations throughout the summer in Southern France. As a matter of fact, he is doing so well he just bought his fiancee a brand new house."

They both looked up at the Redneck, who was setting up a tee shot.

He looked up and said, "Well, I only got one gurl, and she weren't cut out for college or any fancy schoolin. So she dances topless down at the Silver Dollar Saloon."

Both the salesmen were barely able to keep there laughter in check as the redneck hit his tee shot. The redneck heard the snickers and after he bent over and picked up his tee, he looked back to them...

"I know, taking off your clothes ain't exactly rocket science. But don't feel bad for her. She's so good her customers treat her great! Heck, she just got a brand new Cadillac and a Lakehouse."

[BullFrog Dad]

The brick???? RangerMom you've got it going on!!!

[sinton66]

heh heh, she's a sharp lady!;)

[Buccaneer]

BullFrog Dad, Dont give up your day job !

[Old Green]

Cajun Priests

One Day Father Boudreaux and FatherThibodeaux wus fishin on da side of da road.
Dey thoughtfully made a sign saying "The End Is Near,Cher"! Turn Yurself "Round now, before it's too late!," and showed it to each passing car.

Well, dis one car dat passed didn't appreciate the sign and wus shouting at dem and hollin "Leave us alone. You religious nuts!"

Den all of a sudden dey heard a big splash and they looked at each other and Father Boudreaux said.......

"Ya think we shoulda just put a sign dat says ' BRIDGE OUT' instead.

[slpybear the bullfan]

LOL

[Ranger Mom]

A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."

"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"

The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."

"Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."

[Masseter]

Originally posted by BullFrog Dad
Jim and Ted are at a bar looking at the plans for Ted's house he's having built. Jim, who is an engineer, bets Ted a beer that he can calculate the exact amount of bricks it will take to build the house. He comes up with a number and they meet at the building site six weeks later as the masonary work is being finished. When done there is one brick left over. Ted jumps up and down shouting "Jim make it a cold one!". Jim is hardly able to control his anger. He bends over, grabs the lone brick and throws it straight up into the air!!!

Im sorry, I'm in a class full of noisy kids and I can't concentrate. Sometimes I'm also kind of thick. I don't know where the punch line is. Somebody help me out.

[Ranger Mom]

You better find you a quiet place and continue reading...you will find the punchline on down the thread....but, you have to read the jokes to understand it!!

[Masseter]

Well I saw your reply after the plane joke. If those to jokes are coupled together and you got the punch line right, then I guess it's not so bad.

[Phil C]

A man from Mexico had taken a trip out of the country and was returning and had to go through custums. The agent asked to see his passport which had his picture on it. The man has long hair and the agent looks at the passport and says "Sir this passport says you are bald. Is this passport false?" The man pulls at his hair and pulls off a wig and shows his bald head and says "No Sir. What is false is the hair." :D

[Phil C]

As a non air conditioned bus is traveling the bus conductor notices a man sitting on a seat and on the seat beside him is a hat so he asks the man politely "Sir would you please remove that hat. The seat is needed for another passenger." The passenger ignores the conductor. The conductor is angry and says "Sir if you don't remove that hat I am going to throw it out the window!" The passenger continues to ignore the conductor so the conductor angrily throughs the hat out of the window and says "And now sir! What do you say?" The passenger says "Me? I'm not going to say anything. That hat isn't mine." :)

[TARPON DAD]

thats some funny stuff ,dont stop now !
:D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap:

[TARPON DAD]

A woman is sitting in a bar, wearing a tube top. Having never shaved her armpits, she has a thick black bush under each arm that she exposes every time she flags the bartender for another drink.
Near the end of the night, a drunk at the end of the bar tells the bartender, “Hey, I’d like to buy the ballerina a drink.”
“What makes you think she’s a ballerina?” the bartender asks.
“Any girl who can lift her leg that high has to be a ballerina.”

not bad haa! well dont just sit there tell me a joke!
:D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap:

[TARPON DAD]

A woman goes into a bar with a little Chihuahua on a leash. She sits down next to a drunk. The drunk rolls around, leans over and—splat!—he pukes all over the dog. Looking down, the vagrant sees the little dog struggling in his pool of vomit, and slurs, “I don’t remember eating that.”

laterz got to go to work! bye!

:D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap: :D :clap: :D

[Sans Couth]

Down around de Texas-Louisiana border, dere has been a recent rash of illegal cock fighting, wit’ queete a bit of gambling. De director of de Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an investigator to get to de bottom of de problem.

De crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He waz gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to de director.

He reported dat dere were tree major groups involved in de illegal cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and de Mafia.

Of course, de boss wanted to know how he surmised dis, and he replied dat he knew dere were Texas Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into de fight.

He knew dat dere were Cajuns involved when someone bet on de duck.

He den stated dat he waz absolutely poseetive dat de Mafia waz involved when de duck won!

[Old Green]

Originally posted by Sans Couth
Down around de Texas-Louisiana border, dere has been a recent rash of illegal cock fighting, wit’ queete a bit of gambling. De director of de Louisiana State Police finally bent to public pressure and sent an investigator to get to de bottom of de problem.

De crack investigator, Boudreaux, took an unmarked cruiser and headed for Mamou. He waz gone for two days and arrived back in Baton Rouge to report to de director.

He reported dat dere were tree major groups involved in de illegal cock fighting - Texas Aggies, Cajuns and de Mafia.

Of course, de boss wanted to know how he surmised dis, and he replied dat he knew dere were Texas Aggies involved when he saw someone enter a duck into de fight.

He knew dat dere were Cajuns involved when someone bet on de duck.

He den stated dat he waz absolutely poseetive dat de Mafia waz involved when de duck won!



Good one :D :clap:

[Old Green]

Dumb Biker Prospect

Two Biker Prospects went to te woods to hunt.
One Prospect fell down. He was not breathing and his eyes were rolling around in his head.

The other Prospect panics because he did not know what to do. He calls 9-1-1.
In a paniced voice he tells the dispatcher, "my friend has fell down and not breathing, I don't know if he is alive, do something".

The Dispatcher says to the Prospect, "calm down. I can help. Check and see if he is dead".

Ok, says the Prospect. He leaves and leaves his cell phone on.

There is silence, then a gun shot. BAM !

The prospect comes back on thephone and says to the dispatcher, " he's dead, NOW WHAT".

[Ranger Mom]

Recently, a police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.

Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity (trying his keys on five vehicles) the man managed to find his car and FELL in.

He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (NOT raining), flicked the turn signals on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes
(as more patrons left in their vehicles).

At last, he pulled out of the lot and started to drive slowly down the road.

The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights promptly pulled the man over.

He administered the Breathalyzer test, but to his amazement there was no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said,

"I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."

[TARPON DAD]

Joe dies and arrives in hell. There he meets the devil and is told that each person is offered several choices of torture that run in 1,000-year cycles. The devil leads him to room after room of torture, each more horrible than the next. Finally, they go to a room where a beautiful cheerleader is performing oral sex on a man drinking beer.
Joe says to the devil, “This is more like it.”
The devil replies, “Are you sure? It lasts for 1,000 years.”
Joe insists this is where he’d like to carry out his punishment. So the devil walks over to the cheerleader and says, “You can go now. I’ve found your replacement.”


thats messed up!


:devil: :clap: :D :devil: :clap: :D :devil:

[vfunk]

ouch...tarpon....that hurts!!!!

[Old Cardinal]

Did you hear what John Kerry's favorite shoes are?........FLIP-FLOPS