poncho
04-05-2004, 12:05 PM
Ordering a Pizza in 2008
>
>Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
>number?"
>
>Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
>
>Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
>
>Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54
>610."
>
>Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
>and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
>Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is
>sheehan@home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"
>
>Customer: "Huh? I'm at home.
> Where d'ya get all this information?"
>
>Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
>
>Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
>
>Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This willadd
>only 15
> seconds to your ordering time"
>
>Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
>Special pizzas."
>
>Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
>
>Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
>
>Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you
>ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your
>National Health Care provider won't
> allow such an unhealthy choice."
>
>Customer:
> "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
>
>Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
>it.
>
>
>Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
>
>Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
>library last week, sir.
> That's why I made the suggestion."
>
>Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
>
>Operator: "That should be plenty for you, yourwife and your four kids, and
>your 2 dogs can
> finish the crusts, sir.Your total is $49.99."
>
>Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
>
>Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash Your
>credit card balance is over its limit."
>
>Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
>gets here."
>
>Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn
>also."
>
>Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
>long will it take?"
>
>Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about45 minutes,
>sir
> If you're in a hurry you might
> want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then,
>carrying
>pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
>
>Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
>
>Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
>got repo'ed. But
> your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"
>
>Customer:
> Well I'll be a
>"@#%/$@&?#!"
>
>Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
>July
>4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on
>September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I
>see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
>Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
>
>Customer:
>(Speechless)
>
>Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
>
>Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
>
>Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
>offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank
>you for calling Pizza Hut!"
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>--
>
>
>Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your national ID
>number?"
>
>Customer: "Hi, I'd like to place an order."
>
>Operator: "I must have your NIDN first, sir?"
>
>Customer: "My National ID Number, yeah, hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54
>610."
>
>Operator: "Thank you, Mr. Sheehan. I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
>and the phone number's 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
>Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell number's 266-2566. Email address is
>sheehan@home.net Which number are you calling from, sir?"
>
>Customer: "Huh? I'm at home.
> Where d'ya get all this information?"
>
>Operator: "We're wired into the HSS, sir."
>
>Customer: "The HSS, what is that?"
>
>Operator: "We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This willadd
>only 15
> seconds to your ordering time"
>
>Customer: (Sighs) "Oh, well, I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
>Special pizzas."
>
>Operator: "I don't think that's a good idea, sir."
>
>Customer: "Whaddya mean?"
>
>Operator: "Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that you
>ve got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your
>National Health Care provider won't
> allow such an unhealthy choice."
>
>Customer:
> "What?!?! What do you recommend, then?"
>
>Operator: "You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like
>it.
>
>
>Customer: "What makes you think I'd like something like that?"
>
>Operator: "Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
>library last week, sir.
> That's why I made the suggestion."
>
>Customer: "All right, all right. Give me two family-sized ones, then."
>
>Operator: "That should be plenty for you, yourwife and your four kids, and
>your 2 dogs can
> finish the crusts, sir.Your total is $49.99."
>
>Customer: "Lemme give you my credit card number."
>
>Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash Your
>credit card balance is over its limit."
>
>Customer: "I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver
>gets here."
>
>Operator: "That won't work either, sir. Your checking account's overdrawn
>also."
>
>Customer: "Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
>long will it take?"
>
>Operator: "We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about45 minutes,
>sir
> If you're in a hurry you might
> want to pick 'em up while you're out getting the cash, but then,
>carrying
>pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little awkward."
>
>Customer: "Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?"
>
>Operator: "It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
>got repo'ed. But
> your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank yesterday"
>
>Customer:
> Well I'll be a
>"@#%/$@&?#!"
>
>Operator: "I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a
>July
>4, 2006 conviction for cussing out a cop and another one I see here on
>September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge." "Oh yes I
>see here that you just got out from a 90 day stay in the State Correctional
>Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to society?
>
>Customer:
>(Speechless)
>
>Operator: "Will there be anything else, sir?"
>
>Customer: "Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke".
>
>Operator: "I'm sorry sir, but our ad's exclusionary clause prevents us from
>offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this. Thank
>you for calling Pizza Hut!"
>
>
>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
>--
>