slpybear the bullfan
01-21-2004, 09:50 PM
Okay, I figured the guys needed to catch up with the ladies on these things... so, from KTCK, The Ticket, and especially for all you P1s out there...
High and Low Maintenance Women
25 Signs She is Low Maintenance
1. She eats anything.
2. She doesn't keep a journal.
3. She doesn't talk baby talk.
4. She can navigate for you--and she knows how to fold the map.
5. When you mention camping, she doesn't groan.
6. She'll never ask a waitress to bring the salad dressing "on the side."
7. She happily meets you at parties (in other words, she doesn't require
breathlessly attentive chaperoning for her big entrance.
8. She's asleep when you come home late.
9. When you are tired or tipsy, she offers to drive.
10. She doesn't mind if you see her before her morning ablutions.
11. When you travel, she doesn't have to cart her makeup around in a
separate bag on wheels that's bigger than a marine's field pack.
12. She thinks that going out on Valentine's Day and New Year's is
overrated.
13. She hates bed-and-breakfasts more than you do.
14. She only screams when she's having fun.
15. She drinks beer from a bottle.
16. She has a nursing degree.
17. She doesn't see the point of sending flowers, since "they just end up
dead and in the trash."
18. She's OK with peeing on the side of the road when there's no rest stop
in sight for fifty miles.
19. She never says "Hold me."
20. She cleans up after her dog.
21. She cleans up after you.
22. When she's pissed off, she tells you why.
23. You don't need to make a thirty minute PowerPoint presentation in order
to have sex with her.
24. When your remote isn't working, she knows it's the battery.
25. She's not a cat person.
25 Signs She is High Maintenance
1. She won't do a summer rental with your friends because it requires
sharing a bathroom.
2. For her, complaining is a form of conversation.
3. She won't take public transportation.
4. She travels with her reflexologist.
5. She immediately accepts your offer to drop her at the entrance of the
restaurant while you crisscross the county looking for a parking place.
6. Her idea of a sexy Saturday involves you following her around while she
shops.
7. If she has blemishes, she won't go out in public.
8. She won't drink beer.
9. She rips you a new one if you happen to leave her side for more than a
minute at a social engagement.
10. She carries her new handbag for one season only, then torches it.
11. She never carries cash.
12. In anticipation of your three-day business trip, she lines up a spa day,
a girls' night out, and a pajama party during which she and her friends
drink Cosmos and watch Sex and the City DVDs.
13. She wears jewelry to the beach.
14. Her dad calls her Princess.
15. She has a purse named Dior.
16. She's a failed actress.
17. She likes gin.
18. She speaks with a European accent--even though she grew up in Omaha.
19. Her monthly grooming bills are higher than your car payments.
20. She has more women's magazines in her apartment than she does novels.
21. She has a publicist--even though she doesn't work.
22. All her friends are married to bankers.
23. All her relatives are bankers.
24. Her last three fiances were bankers.
25. She refers to her mother as B#@ch Face.
High and Low Maintenance Women
25 Signs She is Low Maintenance
1. She eats anything.
2. She doesn't keep a journal.
3. She doesn't talk baby talk.
4. She can navigate for you--and she knows how to fold the map.
5. When you mention camping, she doesn't groan.
6. She'll never ask a waitress to bring the salad dressing "on the side."
7. She happily meets you at parties (in other words, she doesn't require
breathlessly attentive chaperoning for her big entrance.
8. She's asleep when you come home late.
9. When you are tired or tipsy, she offers to drive.
10. She doesn't mind if you see her before her morning ablutions.
11. When you travel, she doesn't have to cart her makeup around in a
separate bag on wheels that's bigger than a marine's field pack.
12. She thinks that going out on Valentine's Day and New Year's is
overrated.
13. She hates bed-and-breakfasts more than you do.
14. She only screams when she's having fun.
15. She drinks beer from a bottle.
16. She has a nursing degree.
17. She doesn't see the point of sending flowers, since "they just end up
dead and in the trash."
18. She's OK with peeing on the side of the road when there's no rest stop
in sight for fifty miles.
19. She never says "Hold me."
20. She cleans up after her dog.
21. She cleans up after you.
22. When she's pissed off, she tells you why.
23. You don't need to make a thirty minute PowerPoint presentation in order
to have sex with her.
24. When your remote isn't working, she knows it's the battery.
25. She's not a cat person.
25 Signs She is High Maintenance
1. She won't do a summer rental with your friends because it requires
sharing a bathroom.
2. For her, complaining is a form of conversation.
3. She won't take public transportation.
4. She travels with her reflexologist.
5. She immediately accepts your offer to drop her at the entrance of the
restaurant while you crisscross the county looking for a parking place.
6. Her idea of a sexy Saturday involves you following her around while she
shops.
7. If she has blemishes, she won't go out in public.
8. She won't drink beer.
9. She rips you a new one if you happen to leave her side for more than a
minute at a social engagement.
10. She carries her new handbag for one season only, then torches it.
11. She never carries cash.
12. In anticipation of your three-day business trip, she lines up a spa day,
a girls' night out, and a pajama party during which she and her friends
drink Cosmos and watch Sex and the City DVDs.
13. She wears jewelry to the beach.
14. Her dad calls her Princess.
15. She has a purse named Dior.
16. She's a failed actress.
17. She likes gin.
18. She speaks with a European accent--even though she grew up in Omaha.
19. Her monthly grooming bills are higher than your car payments.
20. She has more women's magazines in her apartment than she does novels.
21. She has a publicist--even though she doesn't work.
22. All her friends are married to bankers.
23. All her relatives are bankers.
24. Her last three fiances were bankers.
25. She refers to her mother as B#@ch Face.