Southern Football

[Ranger Mom]

No offense to anyone who might be from these places, I just couldn't resist the opportunity to post a joke that was also football related!!

Southern Football

(1) What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
.........Drool.

2) What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
.........A full set of teeth.

(3) How do you get a South Carolina cheerleader into your dorm room?
.........Grease her hips and push.

4) How do you get a Georgia grad off your porch?
.........Pay him for the pizza.

(5) How do you know if a Mississippi State football player has a girlfriend?
........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup

(6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum?
.........Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

(7) What are the longest three years of an Auburn football player's life?
.........His freshman year.

(8) How many Ole Miss freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
.........None. That's a sophomore course.

9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco?
........Baton Rouge, Louisiana. He knew that the police would never look at LSU for a Heisman Trophy winner.

AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....)

10) Why did Tennessee choose orange as their team color?
.........You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

[lobo12]

HA HA. THOSE ARE GREAT!!!!

[Gobbla2001]

Overall

Northern - Sux
Southern - Rules

[Bandera YaYa]

Good lord, where ever did you find that? hahaha

[District303aPastPlayer]

some calallen teachers desk...

[underware]

Funny, Funny. I can't believe I haven't heard of those. If you don't mind. I may use a few of those this week. Thanks again!! :D

[southern_thunder]

Subject: North vs. South---football

Planning for the fall football season in the South is radically
different
> > than up North. For those who are planning a football trip South,
here are

> > some helpful hints.
> >
> > Women's Accessories:
> > NORTH: ChapStick in back pocket and a $20 bill in the front pocket.
> > SOUTH: Louis Vuitton duffel with two lipsticks, waterproof mascara
and a
> > fifth of bourbon. Money not necessary - that's what dates are for.
> >
> > Stadium Size:
> > NORTH: College football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
> > SOUTH: High school football stadiums hold 20,000 people.
> >
> > Fathers:
> > NORTH: Expect their daughters to understand Sylvia Plath.
> > SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.
> >
> > Campus Decor:
> > NORTH: Statues of founding fathers.
> > SOUTH: Statues of Heisman trophy winners.
> >
> > Homecoming Queen:
> > NORTH: Also a physics major.
> > SOUTH: Also Miss America.
> >
> > Heroes:
> > NORTH: Rudy Guiliani
> > SOUTH: Archie & Peyton Manning
> >
> > Getting Tickets:
> > NORTH: 5 days before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus
and
> > purchase tickets.
> > SOUTH: 5 months before the game you walk into the ticket office on
campus

> > and put name on waiting list for tickets.
> >
> > Friday Classes After a Thursday Night Game:
> > NORTH: Students and teachers not sure they're going to the game,
because
> > they have classes on Friday.
> > SOUTH: Teachers cancel Friday classes because they don't want to see
the
> > few hung over students that might actually make it to class.
> >
> > Parking:
> > NORTH: An hour before game time, the University opens the campus for
game

> > parking.
> > SOUTH: RVs sporting their school flags begin arriving on Wednesday
for
the
> > weekend festivities. The really faithful arrive on Tuesday.
> >
> > Game Day:
> > NORTH: A few students party in the dorm and watch ESPN on TV.
> > SOUTH: Every student wakes up, has a beer for breakfast, and rushes
over
to
> > where ESPN is broadcasting "Game Day Live" to get on camera and wave
to
the
> > idiots up north who wonder why "Game Day Live" is never broadcast
from
> > their campus.
> >
> > Tailgating:
> > NORTH: Raw meat on a grill, beer with lime in it, listening to local

radio
> > station with truck tailgate down.
> > SOUTH: 30-foot custom pig-shaped smoker fires up at dawn. Cooking
> > accompanied by live performance by "Dave Matthews' Band," who come
over
> > during breaks and ask for a hit off bottle of bourbon.
> >
> > Getting to the Stadium:
> > NORTH: You ask "Where's the stadium?" When you find it, you walk
right
in.
> > SOUTH: When you're near it, you'll hear it. On game day it becomes
the
> > state's third largest city.
> >
> > Concessions:
> > NORTH: Drinks served in a paper cup, filled to the top with soda.
> > SOUTH: Drinks served in a plastic cup, with the home team's mascot
on it,

> > filled less than half way with soda, to ensure enough room for
bourbon.
> >
> > When National Anthem is Played:
> > NORTH : Stands are less than half full, and less than half of them
stand
> > up.
> > SOUTH: 100,000 fans, all standing, sing along in perfect four-part
harmony.
> >
> > The Smell in the Air After the First Score:
> > NORTH: Nothing changes.
> > SOUTH: Fireworks, with a touch of bourbon.
> >
> > Commentary (Male):
> > NORTH: "Nice play."
> > SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
> >
> > Commentary (Female):
> > NORTH: "My, this certainly is a violent sport."
> > SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs."
> >
> > Announcers:
> > NORTH: Neutral and paid.
> > SOUTH: Announcer harmonizes with the crowd in the fight song, with a
tear

> > in his eye because he is so proud of his team.
> >
> > After the Game:
> > NORTH: The stadium is empty way before the game ends.
> > SOUTH: Another rack of ribs goes on the smoker, while somebody goes
to
the
> > nearest package store for more bourbon, and planning begins for next

week's
> > game.
> >
> > Nothing else in the universe comes even halfway close to the glories
of
> > Southern football.

[JasperDog94]

Man, these are great! I really liked the FATHER one. It's funny to sit with my mom at a football game because she impresses all the people around her cause she knows the penalties before they are even called. I guess she was raised right. :D

[southern_thunder]

ttt these are to funny to let die

[pirate4state]

southern_thunder:
Fathers:
> > SOUTH: Expect their daughters to understand pass interference.

> > Commentary (Female):
> > SOUTH: "Dammit, you slow sumbitch - tackle him and break his legs." I love these two!! I am constantly yelling (pro & college) for the opposing quaterback to get sacked, hurried, knocked-down & basically to be put out of commission!! And I really get mad when "my" teams defense misses tackles and when someone (especially Eric Williams-I know he is no longer there, but he was the worst) would cost the Cowboys 5 yards with a false start. :mad: :D

[White&Crimson]

JasperDog94:
Man, these are great! I really liked the FATHER one. It's funny to sit with my mom at a football game because she impresses all the people around her cause she knows the penalties before they are even called. I guess she was raised right. :D I just don't know what happened with me. With our mom and dad, I really ought to be more ashamed that I don't have a clue in my head about most of the rules. :(
Oh well, I can still enjoy watching the game right? And bug you guys with all my questions! :D

[District303aPastPlayer]

ttt

[SintonFan]

:D :D :D
LMAO! Too funny indeed!