Ranger Mom
01-08-2004, 11:22 PM
You can tell when Ranger Mom breaks down and reads her e-mail, ya'll get to read whatever makes me laugh.............sorry about that!! :p
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she
said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, she
asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its
best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored,
the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and
sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."
BONUS Snappy Answer
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
answered the blond."They're watch dogs!"
Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST~!
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked
for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The
flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than
let liquor touch my lips." The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed
his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a
choice."
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and
he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she
said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, she
asked a stock boy, Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding
rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop
said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could".
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now
class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I
might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or
illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other
excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his
hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering
from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its
best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored,
the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and
sweetly says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other
hand."
BONUS Snappy Answer
A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo"
answered the blond."They're watch dogs!"
Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST~!
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas.
After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked
for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The
flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He
replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than
let liquor touch my lips." The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed
his drink back to the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a
choice."