Joke of the day.....

[Cam]

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students.

“As you can see,” he says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched.”

The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, “What would you do in a case like this?”

“Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp, too.”...........:vrycnfsd:




where's Santa?....fat sumbitch better show up!!!......

[Phil C]

Good one! :)

[Cam]

http://imageshack.us/a/img801/8429/5oik.jpg


Now be honest here....how many of you noticed the dog first??......

[Cam]

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro, the son of a Mexican telecom tycoon, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said ’Give me Liberty, or give me Death?’ "
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good! Who said ’Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth’ "?
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863," said Pedro.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I’m gonna puke."
The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro. "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinski, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, someone said, "You little beech. If you say anything else, I’ll kill you."
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh crap, we’re in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

[bobcat1]

Good ones Cam! Glad you're back.... oh er wait. That is Saggy Aggie that is back. I get y'all confused. :smoker:

[defense51]

Good ones Cam! Glad you're back.... oh er wait. That is Saggy Aggie that is back. I get y'all confused. :smoker:

Well Bobcat1, if you read Cam's reply in the sticky thread, he's sagging just a little also... :ack!:So consider it an honest mistake.

[Cam]

Good ones Cam! Glad you're back.... oh er wait. That is Saggy Aggie that is back. I get y'all confused. :smoker:

Whoa!...wait a minute there bobcat!......Saggy and I are two totally different animals.....First off, he's much younger than I....secondly, he's highly edumacated and probably drives a BMW,,,,,thirdly, he thinks all Mexicans are slow.....and finally, I've seen a picture of that young whippersnapper.....and I'm way better lookin'!!!......:p

[Cam]

An investigative journalist went to Afghanistan to study the culture and was shocked to discover that women were made to walk ten paces behind the men. She asked her guide why and he said, "Because they are considered of lesser status." Outraged the journalist went home. A year later she returned covering violence in the region and was surprised to see the women walking ten paces ahead. She turned to her guide and this time asked, "What has changed?" The guide answered, "Land mines."

[TexasFight]

Many years ago a lady gave birth to twin boys but had to give them up for adoption. 30 years later she hires an investigator to find what happened to her twins and how their lives turned out. The investigator reports back to her, "I found both boys. One was adopted by a Mexican family. He is a successful businessman in Mexico City. His name is Juan. Your other son was adopted by a Saudi Arabian family. He manages his father's successful oil business. His name is Amahl."

"Do you have pictures?" the lady asked.
"I was only able to get pictures of the boy in Mexico City."
"But why? Why not both of them?" she asks.
The investigator replies, "Lady they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

[Cam]

Many years ago a lady gave birth to twin boys but had to give them up for adoption. 30 years later she hires an investigator to find what happened to her twins and how their lives turned out. The investigator reports back to her, "I found both boys. One was adopted by a Mexican family. He is a successful businessman in Mexico City. His name is Juan. Your other son was adopted by a Saudi Arabian family. He manages his father's successful oil business. His name is Amahl."

"Do you have pictures?" the lady asked.
"I was only able to get pictures of the boy in Mexico City."
"But why? Why not both of them?" she asks.
The investigator replies, "Lady they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."

:spitlol:

[panfan]

:spitlol:

:rolleyes::dispntd::sleeping: Thought you had better stuff than that. :taunt:

[Cam]

:rolleyes::dispntd::sleeping: Thought you had better stuff than that. :taunt:

I do!....but I'd probably get kicked off the board if I posted them.....how bout you panfan, got any good ones??......

[panfan]

I do!....but I'd probably get kicked off the board if I posted them.....how bout you panfan, got any good ones??......

Same - nothing I can tell on a mixed public forum. I'll see if I can make this one clean

An old pirate goes into the old pirate store to look around. He comes across a crusty old parrot in a cage and asks the owner - what's up with this parrot? The owner says he was traded in cause of his foul mouth. Course the old pirate thought, that's no big deal. He slaps down some cash and takes the bird home. He offer the bird a a cracker - "polly want a cracker?". The parrot says %$&* you you one eyed bastard. THe old pirate is shocked, but thinks he can cure the bird of this. A while later he offers again, "polly want a cracker?'. The response was the same, &(&(* you you one eyed bastard. THis goes on for about a month. Finally one day, he tries again, "Polly want a cracker?" (*^( you you one eyed bastard. The old pirate had enough, reached in with his short blade and cut the parrots tongue out. Felt like the old days to him, and then he asked the parrot, "now what do you have to say?" grinning all the while. Parrot put one wing tip over one eye and flipped him off with the other (this part of the story is visual so.....use your imagination!

[Cam]

This one's for our DL fishermen:

There was this fisherman that always had a good day fishing. His friend, the game warden, couldn't figure out how he did it, so one day the game warden decided to go fishing with his friend. The fisherman took his friend the warden out to his favorite spot. Once there, the fisherman took a stick of dynamite out of his backpack, lit it, and threw it into the water. The dynamite exploded and a dozen fish floated to the top.

The game warden said, "That's illegal, you can't do that."

The fisherman goes, "Really?" He then lights another stick of dynamite and throws it into the water. The dynamite exploded, and a dozen more fish floated to the top.

The game warden said, "Stop that now, and take this boat back to shore...I'm going to have to give you a citation and confiscate all your gear."

The fisherman said,"Oh, really?"

He then lights another stick of dynamite, throws it into the game warden's lap, and said "You gonna sit there and keep flapping your trap, or are you gonna fish?"

[Cam]

A look into the Cowboys future....and the Afghan soldier:

After the 2013 season, Jason Garrett was fired, Jerry Jones sold the team to a rich Russian, and the Cowboys hired Chucky Gruden as HC. Gruden then went on to put together the perfect team for the Cowboys. The only thing missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl victory.

Then one night, while watching CNN, he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner in the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a window from 80 yards away. Then he threw another from 50 yards down a chimney, and then hit a passing car going 80 miles per hour. I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

So, he brings the young Afghan to the States and teaches him the great game of football ....... and sure enough in 2015 the Cowboys finally go on to win another Super Bowl. And Farmersfan was happy again!....

The young Afghan is hailed as a hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants to do is call his mother. "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!" ,

"I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You deserted us. You are not my son.

"Mother, I don't think you understand," pleads the son, "I've just won the greatest sporting event in the world!"

"No! let me tell you," his mother retorts. "At this very moment there are gunshots just down the street. This neighborhood is falling apart. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses then tearfully says, " I will never forgive you for making us move to Dallas!

[Super_R]

I want Tony Romo to be my pallbearer...that way he can let me down one last time.

[OldBison75]

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."

[Cam]

You Speaka da English?

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.

"In this country ... we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives ...

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."