Cam
08-10-2013, 08:15 PM
"SCREW THIS!"
So as I was getting out of my car after a long day at work, I noticed a lone cicada on the ground which appeared a bit distressed. My conversation with it went something like this:
Cam: "Hey little fella you OK? I'm Cam. Here, let me help you get back on a tree. Surely you don't want to be on the ground. One of those nasty cicada killer wasps is gonna pick you off. Them some mean sunsbitches!"
Cicada: "Don't touch me you're bending my wing you stupid human! Can't you see I'm trying to dig a hole here? And don't call me Shirley! My name is Sid...short for Sidney."
Cam: "Sorry Sid....so why aren't you up in the trees singing away looking for that special lady? Why are you trying to dig a hole?"
Sid: "I can't stand this heat! It's so hot my proboscis bent! And to hell with the singin'. Don't work anyway! All the lady cicadas say our singing is the same ol' bar scene song and dance!"
Cam: "Well Sid, I gotta admit, all you fellas really do kinda sound the same."
Sid: "Just leave me alone you idiot! Shouldn't you be bothering the Downlowers or something?"
Cam: "Sorry Sid. But what you gonna do? You have wings now. You're not a nymph anymore! You can't go back underground"
Sid: "Get lost moron! I'll figure something out!"
Cam: "Why are you so angry?"
Sid: "Look Cammy, I already told you! Besides, I miss living underground. Been there for 17 years! And I had a pretty good thing going with a certain lady grub worm. Sure, she was a little different and I didn't care for her cookin', but we had a certain chemistry. Even got some slimy earthworms involved every once in a while if you know what I mean!"
Cam: "OK Sid. I'll leave you alone! But I think you're making a big mistake. It's time for you to take flight and continue your life's journey. I also think you'll get used the heat in no time. And besides, you might have something there with that bent proboscis!"
Sid: (with a funny look on his face) "Maybe you're right Sam, Dan, or whatever your name is. Sorry I've been so rude to you. I'll just fly over to that oak tree over there and give it a shot"
Cam: "That's the spirit Sidney. Good luck to you! And if by chance you're in the Liberty Hill area on Oct. 25th, come check out some friday night football and celebrate a Bulldogs victory with us! Your green exoskeleton will fit right in!"
Sid: "You bet!"
So as my new friend Sid flew off and buzzed right by my head, I felt tiny droplets splatter across my face! Damn Sid peed on me! I guess he was a Panther fan!!!:mad:
Morale to the story: Hell I don't know! I got none! Maybe: "Never trust a cicada, even the green ones", or "Insects suck!", or "Cam stories really stink!", or "A pissed cicada will piss on you"........
I'd be willing to bet most of ya'll sometime in your life tried to grab one of them things off a tree branch. You probably failed and as the cicada flew off it chirped and sprayed you in defiance!!!........:foul:
So as I was getting out of my car after a long day at work, I noticed a lone cicada on the ground which appeared a bit distressed. My conversation with it went something like this:
Cam: "Hey little fella you OK? I'm Cam. Here, let me help you get back on a tree. Surely you don't want to be on the ground. One of those nasty cicada killer wasps is gonna pick you off. Them some mean sunsbitches!"
Cicada: "Don't touch me you're bending my wing you stupid human! Can't you see I'm trying to dig a hole here? And don't call me Shirley! My name is Sid...short for Sidney."
Cam: "Sorry Sid....so why aren't you up in the trees singing away looking for that special lady? Why are you trying to dig a hole?"
Sid: "I can't stand this heat! It's so hot my proboscis bent! And to hell with the singin'. Don't work anyway! All the lady cicadas say our singing is the same ol' bar scene song and dance!"
Cam: "Well Sid, I gotta admit, all you fellas really do kinda sound the same."
Sid: "Just leave me alone you idiot! Shouldn't you be bothering the Downlowers or something?"
Cam: "Sorry Sid. But what you gonna do? You have wings now. You're not a nymph anymore! You can't go back underground"
Sid: "Get lost moron! I'll figure something out!"
Cam: "Why are you so angry?"
Sid: "Look Cammy, I already told you! Besides, I miss living underground. Been there for 17 years! And I had a pretty good thing going with a certain lady grub worm. Sure, she was a little different and I didn't care for her cookin', but we had a certain chemistry. Even got some slimy earthworms involved every once in a while if you know what I mean!"
Cam: "OK Sid. I'll leave you alone! But I think you're making a big mistake. It's time for you to take flight and continue your life's journey. I also think you'll get used the heat in no time. And besides, you might have something there with that bent proboscis!"
Sid: (with a funny look on his face) "Maybe you're right Sam, Dan, or whatever your name is. Sorry I've been so rude to you. I'll just fly over to that oak tree over there and give it a shot"
Cam: "That's the spirit Sidney. Good luck to you! And if by chance you're in the Liberty Hill area on Oct. 25th, come check out some friday night football and celebrate a Bulldogs victory with us! Your green exoskeleton will fit right in!"
Sid: "You bet!"
So as my new friend Sid flew off and buzzed right by my head, I felt tiny droplets splatter across my face! Damn Sid peed on me! I guess he was a Panther fan!!!:mad:
Morale to the story: Hell I don't know! I got none! Maybe: "Never trust a cicada, even the green ones", or "Insects suck!", or "Cam stories really stink!", or "A pissed cicada will piss on you"........
I'd be willing to bet most of ya'll sometime in your life tried to grab one of them things off a tree branch. You probably failed and as the cicada flew off it chirped and sprayed you in defiance!!!........:foul: