Fellas, has this ever happened to you?

[Cam]

First off, my apologies to Bullaholic for bringing up more bathroom rhetoric.....
So, here I was sittin' on the pot at work readin' the National Enquirer and the latest and tragic ousting of Dorothy Hamill in Dancing with the Stars....:doh:......It was a normal and business-as-usual movement.....kinda like Brahms Symphony movement #2!.........A courtesy flush ensued cause the lazy sonsbitches of this building have refused to fix the ventilation fan for over a year now. Anyway, right around the second paragraph of Hamill's story, I felt a strange sensation! Little did I know that the toilet was clogged. The water rose quietly like a bat flies in the night!....All of a sudden, BOOM! I felt the coldness of the water touch my junk!.....Yukon Cornelius was not happy!.....I jumped up so fast I tripped on my pants....and yep, I was on the floor!.....guess that's what I get for using the handicap stall!....A regular stall would have saved my fall thanks to the door. Anyways, I was able to regain my composure, get up and reach for the plunger and unclog the mess, but not until some overflow spillage occured. I quietly snuck over to the next stall and finished my business and got the heck outta there.........and somewhere in that disaster of a stall lies the soaked unfinished story of Dorothy Hamill!....:ack!:......man, did I have a crush on her when I was a teenager!........

just another web CAM visual.......

[BEAST]

Not exactly. But, I do have this for ya. I had a horrible pain hit me one day as I drove down I20 somewhere between Ranger and Weatherford. To my surprise I saw a Texaco just up ahead. I pulled in, jumped out of the truck, ran to the john, locked the door and barely had time to sit down. Fireworks were going off. About that time the door opens, damn lock didnt work. This old dude comes and and begins to take a leak in the urinal right next to me. No big deal right? Wrong. I wasnt in a stall. The throne was right next to the urinal. Meaning his junk is about 10" from my ear. Som bitch acted like I wasnt even there.




BEAST

[Cam]

Not exactly. But, I do have this for ya. I had a horrible pain hit me one day as I drove down I20 somewhere between Ranger and Weatherford. To my surprise I saw a Texaco just up ahead. I pulled in, jumped out of the truck, ran to the john, locked the door and barely had time to sit down. Fireworks were going off. About that time the door opens, damn lock didnt work. This old dude comes and and begins to take a leak in the urinal right next to me. No big deal right? Wrong. I wasnt in a stall. The throne was right next to the urinal. Meaning his junk is about 10" from my ear. Som bitch acted like I wasnt even there.






BEAST

Geez....that reminds of the time....uhhh......nevermind........well, you had me pretty worried there Beast!.....For a split second there I thought you were sayin' his junk WAS 10"!.....:eek:

and then there was the time when I walked into the mens bathroom where there was about 20 urinals. I was all alone at one urinal when all of a sudden this 400 lb. dude walks in and proceeds to stand at the urinal right next to me!.....I figured, "No big deal, he probly just wants to have a casual conversation"...........Seconds later he blows the biggest fart I think I've ever heard! I swear I started looking around for a hidden camera thinking I was on some sort of Candid Camera show.........talk about a violation of air space.......

[FB-fanatic]

I have never put this story to paper to date, but you have provided me with the perfect outlet, for my legendary story known in my family circle as “The Barnes and Noble Story”.

Have you ever gone to public restroom that looked like a monkey with diaharea went ape crazy in… I always wondered how that could happen.

Our family grabbed dinner one evening at Poppa Rollos Pizza in Waco. We had split cars and my 4 year old son was riding home with me down Waco Drive. At which time, my stomach made the strangest rumble/roll/gurgle I’ve ever felt. I told my son “dad’s not feeling too well, partner.. we may have to stop somewhere and let dad go to the john”. A few minutes later, the gurgle came again…. Yep we’ve got to find somewhere quickly. I tell my boy “hey, we’re going to pull into Barnes and Noble (known for their fine bathroom facilities), and we’re gonna run down the aisle, and you need to go to the kids section and look at books while dad takes care of business”. So we hit the door running, off goes my boy, and I’m making a desperate b-line for the stall, preferably the roomy handicapped one. Through the door, another rumble… can’t get the door locked fast enough… gotta hurry… assume the proper spacing between my feet and the john.. down goes the pants… and in mid squat position… comes the uncontrollable explosion of a lifetime. I say of a lifetime, I was 35 then, and the only comparable time was colonoscopy time at 48 when I was able to, with the help of Colon Blaster (which should never be allowed in the hands of our enemies), allowed me to crap through a door keyhole. Again, butt still hovering above the throne, time in suspension, I just blasted the clean toilet seat (not yet occupied), the control handle, the wall behind the toilet, and the floor around the toilet. At which time I was muttering “nooo…” under my breath, and the momentum of the moment carried my butt to the blasted seat. I desperately look over at the TP roll, and I see ONE 4x4 square left on the roll.

“Houston, we have a problem”. The amazing thing is… the gurgle in my gut is totally gone!

Now, what do I do. At which time my 4-year old enters the room and taps on the door….. “daddy?”… “son, shhhh, crawl under the door, quick..”. Under the door he goes… pops up, and with a horrid look, says “daddy.. what happened?”. Shhhh, son, we’ve got a problem. “Go into the next stall and get dad some more TP”. Under the door he shuttles, rattle rattle, and back he comes… no TP there either!
“Son, dad’s got a major problem here. In a minute, dad is going to stand up. Pull up his pants, and we are headed straight to the door. We can’t stop to visit, look at books, nothin’”. So we do just that. There I sit, riding home with a 4-year old scarred for life, and feeling like a 1 year old sitting in a warm diaper.
Glad I could get that off my chest, never to uttered again.

[ccmom]

I have never put this story to paper to date, but you have provided me with the perfect outlet, for my legendary story known in my family circle as “The Barnes and Noble Story”.

Have you ever gone to public restroom that looked like a monkey with diaharea went ape crazy in… I always wondered how that could happen.

Our family grabbed dinner one evening at Poppa Rollos Pizza in Waco. We had split cars and my 4 year old son was riding home with me down Waco Drive. At which time, my stomach made the strangest rumble/roll/gurgle I’ve ever felt. I told my son “dad’s not feeling too well, partner.. we may have to stop somewhere and let dad go to the john”. A few minutes later, the gurgle came again…. Yep we’ve got to find somewhere quickly. I tell my boy “hey, we’re going to pull into Barnes and Noble (known for their fine bathroom facilities), and we’re gonna run down the aisle, and you need to go to the kids section and look at books while dad takes care of business”. So we hit the door running, off goes my boy, and I’m making a desperate b-line for the stall, preferably the roomy handicapped one. Through the door, another rumble… can’t get the door locked fast enough… gotta hurry… assume the proper spacing between my feet and the john.. down goes the pants… and in mid squat position… comes the uncontrollable explosion of a lifetime. I say of a lifetime, I was 35 then, and the only comparable time was colonoscopy time at 48 when I was able to, with the help of Colon Blaster (which should never be allowed in the hands of our enemies), allowed me to crap through a door keyhole. Again, butt still hovering above the throne, time in suspension, I just blasted the clean toilet seat (not yet occupied), the control handle, the wall behind the toilet, and the floor around the toilet. At which time I was muttering “nooo…” under my breath, and the momentum of the moment carried my butt to the blasted seat. I desperately look over at the TP roll, and I see ONE 4x4 square left on the roll.

“Houston, we have a problem”. The amazing thing is… the gurgle in my gut is totally gone!

Now, what do I do. At which time my 4-year old enters the room and taps on the door….. “daddy?”… “son, shhhh, crawl under the door, quick..”. Under the door he goes… pops up, and with a horrid look, says “daddy.. what happened?”. Shhhh, son, we’ve got a problem. “Go into the next stall and get dad some more TP”. Under the door he shuttles, rattle rattle, and back he comes… no TP there either!
“Son, dad’s got a major problem here. In a minute, dad is going to stand up. Pull up his pants, and we are headed straight to the door. We can’t stop to visit, look at books, nothin’”. So we do just that. There I sit, riding home with a 4-year old scarred for life, and feeling like a 1 year old sitting in a warm diaper.
Glad I could get that off my chest, never to uttered again.

Hahahahahaha...I can't believe I read all of that but it was hilarious.

[Weebe]

A classic.

http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html

[zebrablue2]

Only Cam could start a thread like this- got me ROFLMAO at 4:30 in the AM...:evillol:

[toddg]

http://www.smileyvault.com/albums/stock/smiley-character00270.gif (http://www.smileyvault.com/)

[BwdLion73]

There's just nothing like getting up on a Saturday morning fixing a little breakfast and coffee and logging on to 3adl to catch up on sports news.....:ack!::eek:

[defense51]

I have never put this story to paper to date, but you have provided me with the perfect outlet, for my legendary story known in my family circle as “The Barnes and Noble Story”.

Have you ever gone to public restroom that looked like a monkey with diaharea went ape crazy in… I always wondered how that could happen.

Our family grabbed dinner one evening at Poppa Rollos Pizza in Waco. We had split cars and my 4 year old son was riding home with me down Waco Drive. At which time, my stomach made the strangest rumble/roll/gurgle I’ve ever felt. I told my son “dad’s not feeling too well, partner.. we may have to stop somewhere and let dad go to the john”. A few minutes later, the gurgle came again…. Yep we’ve got to find somewhere quickly. I tell my boy “hey, we’re going to pull into Barnes and Noble (known for their fine bathroom facilities), and we’re gonna run down the aisle, and you need to go to the kids section and look at books while dad takes care of business”. So we hit the door running, off goes my boy, and I’m making a desperate b-line for the stall, preferably the roomy handicapped one. Through the door, another rumble… can’t get the door locked fast enough… gotta hurry… assume the proper spacing between my feet and the john.. down goes the pants… and in mid squat position… comes the uncontrollable explosion of a lifetime. I say of a lifetime, I was 35 then, and the only comparable time was colonoscopy time at 48 when I was able to, with the help of Colon Blaster (which should never be allowed in the hands of our enemies), allowed me to crap through a door keyhole. Again, butt still hovering above the throne, time in suspension, I just blasted the clean toilet seat (not yet occupied), the control handle, the wall behind the toilet, and the floor around the toilet. At which time I was muttering “nooo…” under my breath, and the momentum of the moment carried my butt to the blasted seat. I desperately look over at the TP roll, and I see ONE 4x4 square left on the roll.

“Houston, we have a problem”. The amazing thing is… the gurgle in my gut is totally gone!

Now, what do I do. At which time my 4-year old enters the room and taps on the door….. “daddy?”… “son, shhhh, crawl under the door, quick..”. Under the door he goes… pops up, and with a horrid look, says “daddy.. what happened?”. Shhhh, son, we’ve got a problem. “Go into the next stall and get dad some more TP”. Under the door he shuttles, rattle rattle, and back he comes… no TP there either!
“Son, dad’s got a major problem here. In a minute, dad is going to stand up. Pull up his pants, and we are headed straight to the door. We can’t stop to visit, look at books, nothin’”. So we do just that. There I sit, riding home with a 4-year old scarred for life, and feeling like a 1 year old sitting in a warm diaper.
Glad I could get that off my chest, never to uttered again.
Holy crap that was funny!!!

[Cam]

I have never put this story to paper to date, but you have provided me with the perfect outlet, for my legendary story known in my family circle as “The Barnes and Noble Story”.

Have you ever gone to public restroom that looked like a monkey with diaharea went ape crazy in… I always wondered how that could happen.

Our family grabbed dinner one evening at Poppa Rollos Pizza in Waco. We had split cars and my 4 year old son was riding home with me down Waco Drive. At which time, my stomach made the strangest rumble/roll/gurgle I’ve ever felt. I told my son “dad’s not feeling too well, partner.. we may have to stop somewhere and let dad go to the john”. A few minutes later, the gurgle came again…. Yep we’ve got to find somewhere quickly. I tell my boy “hey, we’re going to pull into Barnes and Noble (known for their fine bathroom facilities), and we’re gonna run down the aisle, and you need to go to the kids section and look at books while dad takes care of business”. So we hit the door running, off goes my boy, and I’m making a desperate b-line for the stall, preferably the roomy handicapped one. Through the door, another rumble… can’t get the door locked fast enough… gotta hurry… assume the proper spacing between my feet and the john.. down goes the pants… and in mid squat position… comes the uncontrollable explosion of a lifetime. I say of a lifetime, I was 35 then, and the only comparable time was colonoscopy time at 48 when I was able to, with the help of Colon Blaster (which should never be allowed in the hands of our enemies), allowed me to crap through a door keyhole. Again, butt still hovering above the throne, time in suspension, I just blasted the clean toilet seat (not yet occupied), the control handle, the wall behind the toilet, and the floor around the toilet. At which time I was muttering “nooo…” under my breath, and the momentum of the moment carried my butt to the blasted seat. I desperately look over at the TP roll, and I see ONE 4x4 square left on the roll.

“Houston, we have a problem”. The amazing thing is… the gurgle in my gut is totally gone!

Now, what do I do. At which time my 4-year old enters the room and taps on the door….. “daddy?”… “son, shhhh, crawl under the door, quick..”. Under the door he goes… pops up, and with a horrid look, says “daddy.. what happened?”. Shhhh, son, we’ve got a problem. “Go into the next stall and get dad some more TP”. Under the door he shuttles, rattle rattle, and back he comes… no TP there either!
“Son, dad’s got a major problem here. In a minute, dad is going to stand up. Pull up his pants, and we are headed straight to the door. We can’t stop to visit, look at books, nothin’”. So we do just that. There I sit, riding home with a 4-year old scarred for life, and feeling like a 1 year old sitting in a warm diaper.
Glad I could get that off my chest, never to uttered again.


Guess I'm never eatin' at Poppa Rollos!......But, what a great straight from the heart story there FB-fanatic!....Told with such passion, honesty, and grace....The part where you're son came in and tried to help..well, let's just say that was very touching and almost brought tears to my eyes....My son would've reacted totally differently. I can hear him now: "Dangit dad, did you just crap all over the place? I can't wait to tell everyone at school!".......Anyways, FB, have you ever considered a writing career?.......:spitlol:

[Cam]

There's just nothing like getting up on a Saturday morning fixing a little breakfast and coffee and logging on to 3adl to catch up on sports news.....:ack!::eek:

:D:wave:

[pancho villa]

During spring break Ms. Villa and I went to Cabo San Lucas in Baja California Sur, Mexico. Well we spent our second night there enjoying the tequila, cerveza, and carnitas. The next morning we decide to take a drive up the Pacific coast to a sleepy little town called Todo Santos. It is full of shops, art galleries, and craft stores. I was looking forward to eating at one of the taco stands in town; however things changed after I had been there about an hour. My tummy started to gurgle and I knew I need to look for a rest room. Well if you have never been to a little town in Mexico the facilities are few and far between. I walked to a place that has about ten shops in one area hoping to find a BANO(bathroom)(Now my tummy is doing flip flops) I ask a guy “Donde esta el bano?”(Where is the bathroom) and he points and says “esta in la esquina”(in the corner) I hustle over there to find to my horror the is no toilet seat, no TP, and about ¼ inch of water on the floor. Now I am about to explode. I see a restaurant (Tequila Sunrise) just opening for the day so I run over there. I ask the owner if I can use the bathroom and he calmly says it’s for customers only. I am about to scream. I tell him if he lets me use his bathroom I will come back with Ms. Villa and we will order the house specialty and plenty of cerveza. Well he says ok just in the nick of time, any longer and I would have had to buy new shorts. Well after that fun little experience Ms. Villa and I enjoyed some awesome Chile Rellenos and cerveza frio at “Tequlia Sunrise” “Viva Mexico”

[Cam]

How come women don't encounter problems like this??.....:thinking: