View Full Version : What are some of your favorite one-liners?
Here's one of mine right after I flatulate in front of somebody....I love to interupt their disapproving comments directed at me with this line:
"Don't sniff, there's enough for everybody"!
ccmom
03-02-2012, 01:59 PM
I knew better than to open this thread.
Tejastrue
03-02-2012, 02:07 PM
Here's one of mine right after I flatulate in front of somebody....I love to interupt their disapproving comments directed at me with this line:
"Don't sniff, there's enough for everybody"!
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
:eek::eek:.....good gosh man.....I've never heard that one!.......you just got me all bent out of shape with that one.....in more places than one!.....I feel very nasty all of a sudden.........
BEAST
03-02-2012, 02:12 PM
:eek::eek:.....good gosh man.....I've never heard that one!.......you just got me all bent out of shape with that one.....in more places than one!.....I feel very nasty all of a sudden.........
Were you petting?
BEAST
I knew better than to open this thread.
ah heck ccmom.......we know you got one in ya!!........spit it out!!......I double-dare ya.......
ccmom don't like me.......:crying:
waterboy
03-02-2012, 02:57 PM
Here's one for Pancho Villa:
How to you make a dishwasher into a ditch witch?
Give her a shovel.
Were you petting?
BEAST
well no......I've got too many co-workers in the lab right now......but I've been quietly tryin' after readin' Tejas' post!.....they're startin' to get suspicious of me cause I keep puttin' my hands in my pockets and offerin' them change for a sodee pop!!.........:eek:
ccmom
03-02-2012, 03:20 PM
ah heck ccmom.......we know you got one in ya!!........spit it out!!......I double-dare ya.......
ccmom don't like me.......:crying:Haha...a little wine will make a person like almost anybody...even if they are "eat up with the dumb ass"! ;)
Haha...a little wine will make a person like almost anybody...even if they are "eat up with the dumb ass"! ;)
somebody give that woman a bottle of Merlot!!.....
FB-fanatic
03-02-2012, 04:45 PM
"I'd rather watch a false start at a track meet than go to a soccer game..."
BTW, we play the big Waco Midway tonight in men's soccer.
SintonFan
03-02-2012, 05:06 PM
Saw this on facebook from d303app:
"My magic watch says you don't have any underwear on.
Oh you do?
It must be 15 minutes fast."
Tejastrue
03-02-2012, 05:08 PM
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
Sville
03-02-2012, 05:21 PM
somebody give that woman a bottle of Merlot!!.....
She seems like a Duckhorn Merlot or Stags Leap Cab kinda of gal.
Sville
03-02-2012, 05:23 PM
"It is raining like a cow pissin on a flat rock".............and I have a bunch more.
ccmom
03-02-2012, 05:26 PM
She seems like a Duckhorn Merlot or Stags Leap Cab kinda of gal.You must have checked my flask when I met you last season! ;)
Sville
03-02-2012, 05:30 PM
You must have checked my flask when I met you last season! ;)
In vino veritas
ccmom
03-02-2012, 05:40 PM
In vino veritas...in aqua sanitas. (But I prefer the vino! ;))
SintonFan
03-02-2012, 05:41 PM
In vino veritas
...in aqua sanitas. (But I prefer the vino! ;))
English people?
Phantom Stang
03-02-2012, 05:45 PM
That row is crookeder than my !@#% on a Sunday morning.
Sville
03-02-2012, 05:54 PM
This is what my grandad would say to me when I would get out to open a gate for him in the rain.
"Don't worry son you won't melt but you might separate"
Now I want to see if anyone knows the meaning of that one.
Tejastrue
03-02-2012, 08:43 PM
I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.
LionFan72
03-03-2012, 06:12 AM
You can't fix stupid!
CenTexSports
03-03-2012, 09:25 AM
We have the best fan/parent support for our football team of any place in Texas. They want to win with the best ten players on the field at all times; plus their son.
OldBison75
03-03-2012, 09:38 AM
If his brains were dynamite, he couldn't blow up a soap bubble.
It's a good thing breathing is an involuntary action or he would be in the obituaries tomorrow.
If her mouth is open and sound is coming out, it is probably a lie.
tigerball4life
03-03-2012, 09:48 AM
We have the best fan/parent support for our football team of any place in Texas. They want to win with the best ten players on the field at all times; plus their son.
now this one is great. sad, but true many times!
Leopard4Life
03-03-2012, 10:40 AM
A woman is like a watch, if she don't work don't wear her on your arm..
regaleagle
03-03-2012, 10:51 AM
"War does not prove who is right, only who is left."
Tejastrue
03-03-2012, 03:24 PM
“If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up some place else.”
Leopard4Life
03-03-2012, 04:43 PM
I've heard of multiple indian tribes, the chinese, the japanese and just about every culture take credit for this one liner. It is very appropriate for some of the posters on these forums.
"It is easy to be brave from a distance"
STANG RED
03-03-2012, 04:53 PM
Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
Half the lies they tell about me aren't true.
I never said most of the things I said.
Yogi Berra
RoyceTTU
03-03-2012, 07:23 PM
"I'm out like a fat girl playing dodgeball"
"I'm off like a prom dress"
"now were F***ing with foreplay"
COBRAFOOTBALL
03-03-2012, 07:50 PM
THE MIDGETS MOTTO:
Nose to nose your toes are in it... toes to toes your nose is in it!
:crazy:
COBRAFOOTBALL
03-03-2012, 07:54 PM
There once was a man from Kent. His thing was so long that it bent... To save himself trouble he stuck it in double. Instead of coming he went!
regaleagle
03-03-2012, 09:33 PM
You asked for it, you got it....Toyota! I still say this one all the time.
Tejastrue
03-03-2012, 10:34 PM
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
ccmom
03-03-2012, 11:38 PM
The other day at my office, a woman asked a coworker to bring her a file. The coworker replied, "I didn't take you to raise" (which is saying I have heard all my life). The woman (who happens to be blonde) replied, "Huh? Who is Ray?". We laughed and laughed and laughed!!
LH Panther Mom
03-04-2012, 06:48 AM
It's (whatever "it" is at the time) better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.
OldNavy
03-04-2012, 07:00 AM
One I have used for years is:
"If you're going to be stupid, you've got to be tough!"
bobcat1
03-04-2012, 08:33 AM
Dumber than a box of rocks.
Sharp as a golfball
It's so dry the grasshoppers are fartin' dust
Did you lay out with the dry cows
Older than dirt
I got more
regaleagle
03-04-2012, 09:38 AM
I like the grasshopper saying the best. Never heard that one before.
loboes86
03-04-2012, 09:42 AM
If your not gonna use your head you just as well have two butts.
coach
03-04-2012, 04:49 PM
That's gonna itch when it dries up.
defense51
03-05-2012, 08:07 AM
Busier than a one legged man in an butt kicking contest
nobogey72
03-05-2012, 01:02 PM
After a team was getting hammered 48-0, they scored a last second TD to make it 48-7. My friend said that late TD was like putting Cool Whip on dog sh-t.
defense51
03-05-2012, 02:43 PM
If your not gonna use your head you just as well have two butts.I work with people who suffer from this affliction!
MUSTANG69
03-05-2012, 05:41 PM
This is one I heard when I was a kid and have never forgot it.
"She's so bowlegged she couldn't catch a pig in a ditch."
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