Should a parent beable to talk to a coach without fear of repercussion?

[Old No. 7]

I have seen kids dropped from varsity to jv and even kicked out of athletics because of parent/coach conflict. I was just wandering if anyone else has witnessed this and if so, what action was taken to correct it.I don't have children in high school yet. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[bd62]

if its the right type of coach you should be able to do that if you present your concerns in a professional manner. but some coaches have such a ego that it is impossible to approach them.in that case only choice is the school supt. enough people do that he will know the coach does not listen.

[PPHSfan]

I don't think parents should ever talk to a coach about anything other than the weather.

I think at the Varsity level your kid should be able to speak for himself.

And contrary to popular belief, what you think your kid should be doing on the football team, and what your kid thinks he should be doing are sometimes not the same.

Encourage your kids to speak for themselves, but don't tell them what to say.

OK, go ahead, yall tell me how wrong I am.

<small>[ November 06, 2003, 01:16 PM: Message edited by: PPHSfan ]</small>

[PAINTBALL]

Old No. 7:
I have seen kids dropped from varsity to jv and even kicked out of athletics because of parent/coach conflict. I was just wandering if anyone else has witnessed this and if so, what action was taken to correct it.I don't have children in high school yet. Any thoughts would be appreciated.No matter how much we love our kids and want them to be happy, no parent should ever approach a coach and ask for or demand "playing time". To most coaches this topic is closed for discussion.

I have had three boys play football and have become friends with all their coaches. When they know you are their friends, it is amazing how open and honest the coaches will be towards you with their discussions concerning your child. Make all your discussions with the coaches friendly and listen as much as you talk and there will be no reason to fear reprissials. Although unintential, it is possible that a coach may refuse to play a kid just to prove that threats from the player's parent did not influence his decision on who should play.

[Phil C]

Sounds good to me PPHS. Now if only we could improve your attitude toward women's soccer. :)

[PPHSfan]

Phil C:
Sounds good to me PPHS. Now if only we could improve your attitude toward women's soccer. :) NEVER :D

[keep_it_real]

Thats a touchy subject, because when I was in highschool most of the guys made fun of the kids who had their parents earn them a spot. It all depends on the situation and the coach. When I would have a problem with a coach I always wanted to handle it myself. Certain coaches are approachable, and others arent so much.

[nigelmer]

Good point about discussing the weather....playing time, play calling, etc...these are NOT within the realm of discussion with parents, community members, etc. If they want input on these things, then they need to go get the degree, put out the sweat and hours away from the family....and see what it's like. Otherwise, no input...NONE!!!

[stone45+]

Kids don't get to chose their parents so they don't have to be responsible for their parents actions. Any coach that would take out their frustations on an athlete should get out of coaching. Kids are generally embarrased by ranting parents. My take only, but it's the way I coach and live.

[BulldogGrl64]

I don't feel that the parents need to talk to the coaches. If there is a problem, the player should be able to speak to the coach in private to discuss the situation at hand. If for some reason nothing gets accomplished, then it needs to go to the school, not the parents.

[fullhouse]

Personally, I've always thought that my son's coach was way too hard on him. I've talked to him about it, yelled, screamed, demanded.... everything short of divorcing the guy, but he's still tough on the kid :D

[BulldogGrl64]

fullhouse:
Personally, I've always thought that my son's coach was way too hard on him. I've talked to him about it, yelled, screamed, demanded.... everything short of divorcing the guy, but he's still tough on the kid :D Some coaches are just like that though. I guess they feel they have to be harder on some kids. I've heard of coaches being harder on the kids that they thought had a lot of talent and were really good as a way of keeping them in line and helping them to get better.....now as far as if this method of coaching really works or not, I do not know.

[southern_thunder]

fullhouse:
Personally, I've always thought that my son's coach was way too hard on him. I've talked to him about it, yelled, screamed, demanded.... everything short of divorcing the guy, but he's still tough on the kid :D LMAO This is great!! You must be one those rare women that makes a great wife for a coach. There are not many of you around, not just any woman can be a coaches wife.

[PPHSfan]

fullhouse:
Personally, I've always thought that my son's coach was way too hard on him. I've talked to him about it, yelled, screamed, demanded.... everything short of divorcing the guy, but he's still tough on the kid :D Well ther you go. :D My point exactly, even if you are Married to the guy, he is still beyond reproach, when it comes to your kid on his team. :D

[Big Red]

I FEEL A PARENT SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK TO A COACH ABOUT A CHILD JUST AS THEY TALK TO OTHER TEACHERS. I DO AGREE WITH BD62 THAT YOU NEED TO KEEP IT PROFESSIONAL. I ALSO AGREE THAT THERE ARE MANY COACHES THAT HAVE SUCH A BIG EGO THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO DISCUSS ANY ISSUE WITH THEM. I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT DEMANDING PLAYING TIME EITHER. THESE COACHES SOMETIMES TAKE THESE PARENT APPROACHES OUT ON THE CHILDREN. WHEN THIS HAPPENS, IT REALLY SHOWS WHAT TYPE OF PERSON THAT COACH IS.

[BulldogGrl64]

I don't know what's harder.....being the coach or being the coach's wife. LOL :D

[crzyjournalist03]

BulldogGrl64:
I don't know what's harder.....being the coach or being the coach's wife. LOL :D I'd seriously say being the coach's wife...the coach has the team to be with if things get rough...the wife usually doesn't have anywhere to turn.

[fullhouse]

Yeah ~ he's scared to even come home after a game when he's been ranting and raving at my baby on the sidelines... And other mamas aren't even afraid to tell me when they're mad at him for fussing at their kids, cause they know I'm the same way. I know how much he loves those boys though, so a little of that is okay when they mess up. When he stops hugging them for doing good, then I'll get more upset about the other stuff. wink

[southern_thunder]

BulldogGrl64:
I don't know what's harder.....being the coach or being the coach's wife. LOL :D It is harder being the coaches wife becasue people will say things to them they wont say to the coach himself and the wife has to sit in the stands and listen to the so called fans bash her husband when things arent going the way they think it should be.

[fullhouse]

Double whammy ~ bash her husband AND her son when things aren't going too good. I've got a hole in my tongue to prove it!

[BulldogGrl64]

southern_thunder:

BulldogGrl64:
I don't know what's harder.....being the coach or being the coach's wife. LOL :D It is harder being the coaches wife becasue people will say things to them they wont say to the coach himself and the wife has to sit in the stands and listen to the so called fans bash her husband when things arent going the way they think it should be.I don't think I would be able to sit and listen to the "so called fans" bash my husband if I was a coaches wife. I would start some tackling of my own in the stands! LOL :D

[keep_it_real]

Bottom line parents should not get involved even if they have a legidimate arguement, if thats the situation and the athlete cant handle it, then theres nothing that can be done, because the coach probably is a prick, and it will make things worse if you approach them because they think your insulting them cause some ppl are just narrowminded and not open for disscussion when they know they are in charge. This is coming from a past athlete who lived in the realm of political football and unfortunately wasn't the son of political parents in the town. I say parents should stay out of it, it shows weakness for the athlete if the parent talks to the coach, even if supposed to be private, ppl will know about it.

[Goob]

That is not a subject that any parent should do. It might be ok in the recreational sports when they are between 6 and 13. But when they get to High School they are under the influence of teachers of the game. My son is a baseball player in the FWISD and all I have said to the coaches is Hi and How are Ya?
I don't discuss his abilities or anything with the coaches. My son doesn't have a world of talent in baseball but, he is a better than average 2nd baseman. He is not very fast but he is quick enuff to get the ball to first if it is reachable. He gets playing time because of effort not ability. :D :D

[BrahmaMom]

So true, k-i-r, in 3A towns, ppl will know before the "talk" is finished. Our athletic dept starts from junior high on to have the player be responsible for communicating with the coach. It is a great policy that only works as well as the coach lets it. I've seen it work beautifully and otherwise, esp. if the kids were afraid of the coach and repercussions, with good reason. I can't remember a time that a parent discussing football with a coach changed anything about the roster, play calling, playing time, other than maybe at fullhouse's house. And I know who has the toughest job, the wife who sits in the stand and gets holes in her tongue (and I worry about the coaches' kids at school, too).

[fullhouse]

Thanks for the love AGAIN BMom! I feel like I've just been to therapy or something :D
Okay ~ now that that's off my chest, let's play ball!

[3ahunter2k4]

player's actions on and off the field will do the talking for him, no need for parents to start a conflict.

[bd62]

just to clear something up concerns should never be about playing time or stragety on the field. but if a kid is being singled out as the scapgoat all the time or verbally abused when others are not then you have reasons to be concerned. there are type of kids that would not ever say anything to a coach because of there personality. so the open door policy for player-coach is out the window for those kids.

[3ahunter2k4]

oh yeah if that's the case a parent should step in... i was just talking about playing time, etc. (coaching decisions on the field, doing what he's paid to do)

[bulldogvet85]

I feel that once you get to even the high school level that they players should be able to approach the coaches. I dont think parents should step in unless its something REAL bad and out of control. But as far as play time and stuff like that it's up to the players in two ways. 1. improve themselves in practice and in there attitude.
2. talk to the coaches about what they need to do to get more playing time or to ask why they arent playing much.
with my experinces more kids get made fun of when there parents get involved. there just comes a time when parents need to let them handle that. I know if my kid were in that position I would never step in i just wouldnt cuz i know from a coaching stand point that he has a reason for his decision. even though I may disagree with it I wouldnt question it, Cuz I dont like it when folks do it to me. I think also with my experinces with playing that you can make a close relationship with your coach and when you have done that, then most of your coaches will be honest. i had a coach that was like my best friend through high school and even like a second dad. I would ask him hey coach can i try this position. He would say nope your to slow, or no that other kid can play it better than you. Or I would question why he would put someone in a postion and he would say to be honest with you hey maybe kinda weak, but he plays it well and plays it with heart so I wwant him there. So I know that you should be able to find ways to talk to your coach about stuff. kids shouldnt feel intimidatedby there coaches. yeah they maybe hard on you on the field, but that should stay on the field. then off the field they are there to listen if you have any concerns or questions.

[3ahunter2k4]

when i actually played sports i would get pretty hott at my parents if they talked to the coaches at all unless it was about something nonsport related in a friendly manner, without bringing my name up. kids need to learn to become their own person.

[stripes]

A parent should be able to talk to a coach about the kid . BUT there should be a limit to what the parent can expect to talk about. things like playing time is not one you can talk about

[Old No. 7]

thanks for all the Info. May God bless all that posted on this thread.

[olddog73]

I think at the Jr. High level there are times when a parent might need to talk to a coach if there is a problem or a conflict between the coach and the player. In highschool, the parents need to let the kids speak for themselves. But I cant stand it when parents try to influence the coaches in order to get their little johnnie a position. Unfortunatly, I see that happen every year, the same parents do it over and over and the bad thing is that too many times the coaches give in to the parents. Ive seen it this year from the Jr. High level all the way up to varsity. The funny thing is that every one knows who these parents are. But as these kids reach the high school level things some times take care of themselves, if the parents have promoted their kid beyond his tallent its going to show. Daddy can get johnny a position on the team sometimes, but daddy can't catch the ball or hit the ball (if in baseball) for him.

<small>[ November 07, 2003, 03:33 PM: Message edited by: olddog73 ]</small>