How The Wizard of Oz Should Have Ended [Archive]

Cam

01-14-2011, 05:51 PM

I don't know......here's my take on what should've happened in that movie:

The lion had no courage, so, he gets his ass kicked by one of those flying monkeys. The fight however, was closer than expected. So, the lion starts getting a bit cocky. (kinda like the BW Lions did) He challenges that old bastard wizard just because he thought he could take him. Well, that was a mistake. Ol Wiz breaks out his Remington 12 ga. from behind his chair and starts blasting away. Hence the same scene where the lion is runnin' for his life. In the meantime, Dorothy is yelling, "Shoot that fat-ass, I never liked him anyway!"
The scarecrow wanted a brain. What the hell for? He's made of straw for goodness sakes! This thing thinks it's human. So, instead, the Wizard grabs his ass by the throat and throws him in front of those weird colored horses of his. Chomp! Chomp! Chomp! Scarecrow is done.
The Tin Man. That dude was confused! A heart would've done him no good. With all that metal he'd be like a giant pacemaker or something....or worse yet, his heart would be fibrillating as soon as a lightning bolt struck his ass with all that attracting metal. The Tin Man was actually pretty good looking. I think he should've gone into the porn industry. Heck, he already carried around a oil can "lubricator"..That little oil can would have made him millions and would still be on the store shelves today at Walmart next to the K-Y......And personally, I think the nice witch wanted some of that action....As for Dorothy, I think she should've ended the silliness as soon as the movie started when the bad witch took that ugly ass dog of hers and fled on her bike. Dorothy should've taken a runnin' start and jumped over her fence and landed a flying T-bone on that wench. That would've freed the darn dog and probably given the witch a concussion. As a final act of defiance, Toto walks over to her and lifts his leg right over that big ugly ass nose of hers! Oh, and another thing: What the hell was wrong with Dorothy's aunt & uncle or whatever they were? In my house, that witch never would've made past the front gate!
The Munckins? Those things were weird! My guess is most were a bunch of **** heads with labs all over that pretty little jungle of theirs. And those weird mechanical owls in the forest. Hell, those things weren't real!!! Freakin' D size batteries was all they took! Why was I so scared of em when I was a kid?
The tornado? That wasn't no tornado! Just a wad of grandma's pantyhose so I hear.....does anybody else have a better ending to this movie?