Pudlugger
12-23-2002, 10:31 PM
In order to bring football into the 21st Century a Blue Ribbon Committee of concerned citizens, activists and education experts have adopted the following new rules:
1. In order to promote more women in the backfield their will be a 15 yard penalty for "Failure to be Inclusive"
2. To recognize the feelings of all opponents there will be a 15 yard penalty assessed against the defense for "Touching Someone in a Way That Makes Him/Her Feel Uncomfortable".
3. To preserve the dignity of running backs and quarterbacks subjected to punishing tackles 10 yards will be assessed for "Non-consensual Hits".
4. Rather than ejecting players for unsportsmanlike conduct they will be required to attend anger management counseling.
5. Due to the lasting effects of unreasonable emphasis on winning to the losing players, scores will no longer be recorded. Each team will rotate as winner or loser. Studies have shown that self-esteem will improve if there are no losers, only winners!
6. Co-operative learning is more meaningful to students/players than individual effort, therefore from now on touchdowns can only be scored if groups of players carry the ballcarrier into the endzone. Extra points will be awarded if players from the opposite team help in this effort.
7. No more Home Team and Visitors, this makes people feel different, unwanted or uncomfortable.
8. Forget about mascots, PETA has weighed in with some compelling arguments here.
9. All uniforms will be alike as some players have complained that their uniforms are not as nice as others.
10. No more jock straps allowed as this is clearly an icon to male superiority that will no longer be tolerated.
The committee welcomes all interested persons to submit their own ideas for more rule changes to bring this sport into line with contemporary beliefs. :D :D :D
<small>[ December 23, 2002, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: Pudlugger ]</small>
1. In order to promote more women in the backfield their will be a 15 yard penalty for "Failure to be Inclusive"
2. To recognize the feelings of all opponents there will be a 15 yard penalty assessed against the defense for "Touching Someone in a Way That Makes Him/Her Feel Uncomfortable".
3. To preserve the dignity of running backs and quarterbacks subjected to punishing tackles 10 yards will be assessed for "Non-consensual Hits".
4. Rather than ejecting players for unsportsmanlike conduct they will be required to attend anger management counseling.
5. Due to the lasting effects of unreasonable emphasis on winning to the losing players, scores will no longer be recorded. Each team will rotate as winner or loser. Studies have shown that self-esteem will improve if there are no losers, only winners!
6. Co-operative learning is more meaningful to students/players than individual effort, therefore from now on touchdowns can only be scored if groups of players carry the ballcarrier into the endzone. Extra points will be awarded if players from the opposite team help in this effort.
7. No more Home Team and Visitors, this makes people feel different, unwanted or uncomfortable.
8. Forget about mascots, PETA has weighed in with some compelling arguments here.
9. All uniforms will be alike as some players have complained that their uniforms are not as nice as others.
10. No more jock straps allowed as this is clearly an icon to male superiority that will no longer be tolerated.
The committee welcomes all interested persons to submit their own ideas for more rule changes to bring this sport into line with contemporary beliefs. :D :D :D
<small>[ December 23, 2002, 09:35 PM: Message edited by: Pudlugger ]</small>