Old Cardinal
01-05-2010, 12:32 AM
STOCK magical piece of paper that is worth Rs 1000 until the moment you buy it. It will be worth Rs 200.
BOND What you had with your spouse until you invested in the stock market.
BROKER The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell BROKE.
BEAR What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your friend gave you.
BULL What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN Where you scribble the latest quotes when youre supposed to be listening to your managers presentation.
SHORT POSITION A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesnt actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "In debt, sir? Hahaha, well, Im a little short this month.").
COMMISSION The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.
CEO Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS What you jump out of when youre the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor whos now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT An archaic word no longer in use.
BOND What you had with your spouse until you invested in the stock market.
BROKER The person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. Please note the first five letters of this word spell BROKE.
BEAR What your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your friend gave you.
BULL What your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter.
MARGIN Where you scribble the latest quotes when youre supposed to be listening to your managers presentation.
SHORT POSITION A type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesnt actually own. Since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in (i.e. "In debt, sir? Hahaha, well, Im a little short this month.").
COMMISSION The only reliable way to make money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one.
CEO Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS What you jump out of when youre the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR Past year investor whos now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT An archaic word no longer in use.