I need some Cheesy Jokes!!

[Ranger Mom]

Our local news station is having a cheesy joke contest. If they read your joke on the air you can win free Pizza from Papa John's Pizza. I need all the free - already cooked food I can get in my house!!

Share your cheesiest joke. It has to be a clean joke that can be read on the air:

If any of your jokes are read, I will pass on the credit to you and eat the pizza in your honor!!!

[SintonFan]

OK, here's a cheesy joke...
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The Cheese Grater
A friend of Stevie Wonder bought him a cheese grater for Christmas. A few weeks later the chap met up with the star again and asked him what he thought of the present.

"Man!" replied Stevie.

"That was the most violent book I've ever read!"<font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

[PPHSfan]

Queston...

What do you call a blind deer?


Answer...

I have no eyedear!

[spiveyrat]

Ranger Mom:
Our local news station is having a cheesy joke contest. If they read your joke on the air you can win free Pizza from Papa John's Pizza. I need all the free - already cooked food I can get in my house!!

Share your cheesiest joke. It has to be a clean joke that can be read on the air:

If any of your jokes are read, I will pass on the credit to you and eat the pizza in your honor!!!Will it be a CHEESE pizza??? :D

[Wildcat81]

A man was sitting under a tree!wondering how he was going to feed his family.Then all of a sudden
he was hit by round slab of cheese,so he takes off
gets and tells his wife!look we have this cheese
to eat,and the wife says how shall I fix it,and the man said when I running home with it I heard
a voice say nacho cheese.

[dontknowitall]

a mushroom walks into a bar.
the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind in here."
the mushroom says,"hey, i'm a fun guy!(fungi, get it?!)

[Chief Woodman]

Christopher Robin invited TIGGER over for lunch. When TIGGER arrived, he immediately went to the bathroom and started looking into the toliet, despirately seaching as if something was lost. Christopher Robin somewhat puzzled by the behavior asked "What are you doing TIGGER"? TIGGER replied "I am looking for POO"!
:D :D

[JasperDog94]

Two canibals are eating a clown. One canibal asks the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"

[lobo12]

lol jasper dog you took mine

[gochargers!!]

Guy walks into the doctor's office. Doc says, "What are your symptoms?" Guy says, "Some days I feel like a tent, some days I fell like a wig-wam." Doc says, "That's easy....You're two tents." :D

[pero chato]

A man walks into a bar. He forgot to duck.

[DOGS1]

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?

DAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[3afan2K3]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To show the blonde how

[next generation]

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Hell If I Know

What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho Cheese

What is the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer Nuts Are A Buck 50 and Deer Nuts Are Under A Buck

<small>[ January 15, 2004, 05:13 PM: Message edited by: next generation ]</small>

[crzyjournalist03]

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat broccoli.

[20dawgz05]

why did the chicken cross the road?....
thats where he parked his coop

a horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says why the long face!!!

what did the monkey say when he got his tail caught in a weedeater?....
wont be long now!

[booger1]

A scientist was successful in cloning himself.
He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists. The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.
The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.
"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out, "He's an @$$HOLE!". The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..." Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, "This dumb @$$ couldn't produce a copy on a Xerox. He's a fraudulent SON-OF-A-B!T^%!".
Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.
The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later New York's finest arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.
The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged."
The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for "Making an obscene clone fall...."

[BIG BLUE DEFENSIVE END]

3 blondes walk into a bar, all saying in unison, "60 days, 60 days" in apparent excitement. They keep repeating this over and over until the bartender finally asks, "Why are you repeating '60 days'?" One of the blondes replies, "Oh, thats easy, we just completed a puzzle that said 3-6 years on the front of the box."

[Cameronbystander]

A blonde, a brunet, and a redhead were talking in the OB/Gyn office. The redhead tells the other two she is having a boy. The brunet asks how she knows this since its her first visit. She tells them that the woman's position at conception determines this and since she was on her back it will be a boy.

The brunet says that she must be having a girl since her husband was on his back.

They turn to the blonde and she is crying uncontrollably. When they ask her why she says, I'm having puppies.

[Wildcat81]

Cameronbystander:
A blonde, a brunet, and a redhead were talking in the OB/Gyn office. The redhead tells the other two she is having a boy. The brunet asks how she knows this since its her first visit. She tells them that the woman's position at conception determines this and since she was on her back it will be a boy.

The brunet says that she must be having a girl since her husband was on his back.

They turn to the blonde and she is crying uncontrollably. When they ask her why she says, I'm having puppies.thats to funny. :D

[Gobbla2001]

"My sister called me all depressed... Said her horse broke its leg and I had to shoot it... Now it has a broken leg and a gunshot wound"

[booger1]

Gobbla2001:
"My sister called me all depressed... Said her horse broke its leg and I had to shoot it... Now it has a broken leg and a gunshot wound"That there's funny, I don't care who you are, thats funny! :D

[Gobbla2001]

"Ize dating this girl one time, kinda looked like Michelle Feifer (spelling?), 'cept she was shorter and her face was different"...

"Ize seeing this girl for 'bout 6 weeks... then someone took the 'noculars outta my truck... She was a midget stripper... I met her at a bachelor party when she popped outta the cup-cake"

Anyone wanna take care of the NASCAR one?

[booger1]

Gobbla2001:


Anyone wanna take care of the NASCAR one?"'Ju hear that they's gonna take 'da Winston out NASCAR? Says smoking causes lung cancer. Well of cousre it does it says it on the box its gonna give ya lung cancer!"
"Now whose gonna sponsor NASCAR, Kotex? 'Howdya gets tickets to the tampon 200?' 'Aw I pulled a few strings'?" :D

[poncho]

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth, and said "Daddys gone eat your fingers!" Pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "Whats wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my Booger?" :cool: :D

<small>[ January 20, 2004, 09:01 PM: Message edited by: poncho ]</small>

[aamove]

A mother with her 5 year old daughter were driving down the road when the girl asked her mother how old she was. The mother told her it was improper to ask a woman her age. The little girl then asked her mother how much she weighed, again the mother said that it is rude to ask a woman her weight. And then the little girl asked,
"why did you and daddy get a divorce?" The mother then told her to stop asking questions.
Later the girl was playing with a friend and told her about her questions to her mother and that she didn't answer them. The friend told her that that was an easy problem to solve and that all the information she needed was on her mother's drivers license.
The next day she was driving with her mother and said mommy I know how old you are, you're 35. Her mother asked how do you know that? The little girl said and you weigh 145 pounds. Her mother was amazed and said where in the world did you get that information? She said I even know why you and daddy got a divorce. The mother said "and just why did me and your daddy get a divorce"? Then without missing a beat the little girl blurted out, it's because you got an F in sex.

[poncho]

I love that one!!! :D

[Brahma73]

Why can't baby ducks lay eggs?

Because their quacks are too small!

[crzyjournalist03]

aamove:
A mother with her 5 year old daughter were driving down the road when the girl asked her mother how old she was. The mother told her it was improper to ask a woman her age. The little girl then asked her mother how much she weighed, again the mother said that it is rude to ask a woman her weight. And then the little girl asked,
"why did you and daddy get a divorce?" The mother then told her to stop asking questions.
Later the girl was playing with a friend and told her about her questions to her mother and that she didn't answer them. The friend told her that that was an easy problem to solve and that all the information she needed was on her mother's drivers license.
The next day she was driving with her mother and said mommy I know how old you are, you're 35. Her mother asked how do you know that? The little girl said and you weigh 145 pounds. Her mother was amazed and said where in the world did you get that information? She said I even know why you and daddy got a divorce. The mother said "and just why did me and your daddy get a divorce"? Then without missing a beat the little girl blurted out, it's because you got an F in sex.that's funny...but I have to ask, is it OK for me to ruin this perfectly good joke???

[jason]

Gobbla2001:
"Ize dating this girl one time, kinda looked like Michelle Feifer (spelling?), 'cept she was shorter and her face was different"...

"Ize seeing this girl for 'bout 6 weeks... then someone took the 'noculars outta my truck... She was a midget stripper... I met her at a bachelor party when she popped outta the cup-cake"

Anyone wanna take care of the NASCAR one?larry the cable guy???

[jason]

poncho:
DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS

As I was packing for my business trip, my 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth, and said "Daddys gone eat your fingers!" Pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.

When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "Whats wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my Booger?" :cool: :D gross :D

[Bearcats213]

Here you go ranger mom i have a few--

what do you call a mexican with a rubber toe??
Ro-ber-to..

how many times do you tell a woman to screw in a light bulb?
once if she knows whats good for her.

[20dawgz05]

jason:

Gobbla2001:
"Ize dating this girl one time, kinda looked like Michelle Feifer (spelling?), 'cept she was shorter and her face was different"...

"Ize seeing this girl for 'bout 6 weeks... then someone took the 'noculars outta my truck... She was a midget stripper... I met her at a bachelor party when she popped outta the cup-cake"

Anyone wanna take care of the NASCAR one?larry the cable guy???haha hes great!!!